Wise?

As I've done some of my growing up, I have learned to take things in a little differently. Is it because I am older & wiser, you ask? Oh no, not at all because I'm older or wiser but because of this thing I like to call shame.

​Today happens to be a very good day to post this, as my oldest son turns 14. What better way to throw your shame to the floor than to recall the birth of your first child? Nobody can prepare you for this moment, no person, no article, no video. I mean there are a million other things that can make you feel shame, this I know very well but this, this is what let me let go of shame. Nothing else mattered at that moment, I could see nothing but him. It didn't matter that I was mostly naked, bloody or torn. It didn't matter that there were 5 med students watching or a nurse giving me stitches. This could have been happening on centre stage at the ACC and it still wouldn't matter. My little prince was born and only now do I see him as my human Angel. I mean he was always precious to me but only now, looking back at the whole picture do I see what he saved me from. Who knows where I would have been if I wasn't forced to grow up and become responsible for the life of another human being? I didn't care what anyone thought, I was only 20 but I was going to be the best mom I could be. I may be able to look back now and see the things that I would have done differently but this is what makes him a better person than me. I love that he is so carefree and pays no mind to what people think of him. He is my role model and I can say that now. Not because I'm older or wiser but because my shame is on the floor.

I have always been that friend who has been called upon to listen to a serious bitch fest. Occasionally when I get the "can you believe what this person says or can you believe what this person does" kind of rant, I have to turn away. I listen the best I can then I try to turn the conversation around. I'll try something such as, "I don't agree with that behaviour or what they said but can you understand why they think that way?" If someone has been treated a certain way their entire lives, they are bound to mimic the behaviour. Until you put them into a shame on the floor kind of scenario. Or at the very least share one of your own shame on the floor kind of scenarios. With shame comes pride and when you are protecting your pride you can act in very shameful ways. When one says to their child, you are my pride and joy, it makes sense. Your pride is in them and you will do shameful things to protect them. A very forgivable act in my eyes.

It may not be wise but it is understood.

Forever Grateful,

Patricia Vasconcelos

Spoiled Soul