I am putting it all out on the table today. Some may relate, some may be offended but that's just the way the cookie crumbles.
Here's me. An ordinary girl. Grew up with all sorts of self-doubts and genetic fears*. Been through some crap but so has everybody. My pain and your pain don't differ. Hard is hard no matter what it is. Some have a higher tolerance, others not so much. The size of the story does not increase the size of the pain. I explain this because I have always been the type of person to just keep going as if nothing was wrong, even if it was. I'm not sure if it was me trying to be "tough" or just my way of avoiding the invalidation from others. You know when you're going through a hard time and your mother tells you, "It's time to get over it now, you still have a life to live. When I was your age I went through much worse and I just dealt with it. It made me stronger."
Well, I guess I have to pull up my big girl pants and just get through it huh? NO!
At the end of it all, yes, you will have gotten through it but who's to say that you can't feel hurt, angry or down. Who's to say that you can't become a hermit for a little while and just work on you? Who's to say that you have to fit into this pre-set outline that others are so comfortable living in? If I don't feel like planning my life second for second, I won't! I don't apologise for it either.
I'm a single mother of 3 children, I plan very little anymore because no matter what, they always come first. If a spare of the moment picnic in high park happens to interfere with a spa date with the girls, then sorry girls, I'm out. I always try to feel when my kids are in need of some extra soul bonding and I don't apologise for that. I'm sorry that it makes me sound like an "A-hole" but I'm also sorry you don't understand.
I'm self-employed and it takes up too much of my time as it is. I'm also divorced which means I lose time with my kids when they are with their dad. (Side note, that's not a complaint, it's just a fact. Unfortunately, he loses the most time, not because we want it that way but just because that's the way it is.)
I have a cousin of mine who introduced me to a song that I now paraphrase on a regular basis. The lyric** goes like this: "A lion is a lion, no apologies."
I often try to look outward. I try to understand the behaviour of others, even if I don't agree with it. Even if it hurts me. I try to teach my kids to do the same thing. When they ask me why they should even try, the only answer I give them is this. Peace! It helps to bring you peace even if they are not living in peace themselves. It helps you to forgive even if they have no apologies.
*Genetic Fears: Adjective. [juh-net-ik feer] -The fears that you inherit from your parents or caregivers due to their own hang-ups and self-doubts.
**Mantra - Dave Grohl, Josh Homme & Trent Reznor