So here I am, about to boil over.
Hold it, you’ve been there already, you’ve learned to not let the well run dry. You are the watering can of this flower garden, (aka family) and you need to refill.
So off I go, find the cheapest Airbnb, pack minimal essentials. (Minus my forgotten runners. Oh well, yoga and grass workouts it is.) Kids are with dad and not a single note was left.
GPS location plugged in and almost 2 hours to freedom. I arrived at a beautiful farmhouse with a long driveway and all of a sudden, I felt relief. I was greeted by 3 lovely dogs. They laid on the grass with me for a good 30 minutes before I decided to get up and unpack. I was alone on the property for a good 3 hours before my host arrived. Right away, I was welcomed and introduced to all the animals. All 3 horses, 2 goats, 1 donkey, 3 dogs, 1 pig, 4 geese, 6 ducks & their 5 ducklings, 1 rooster & 45 hens. I also got introduced to the 2 burial grounds of beloved lost animals. Side note, did you know the grave for a horse needs to be as big as my minivan? Not bringing that up again because we both got teary-eyed.
I was supposed to come up, surround myself with no one but me but I ended up with all these animals and a super host who I feel I’ve known forever. We talked for hours and it was one of the best conversations I’ve had in a long time. Ah, finally a woman who has been in my shoes, who speaks my language, who is part of my unspoken tribe. From marriages (yes plural) to children, to negative down talkers and so on. Then she says to me, more women need to be like you! My face lit up.
They do? (Insert internal self-doubt here) Then the magical unicorn riding fairies come in and sprinkle my brain with heart dust and bang! (Insert self-awareness and confidence here) They do!
They need to put guilt in the trash can. They need to ignore the judgemental mommy bashers. They need to take time for themselves and refill their watering cans. Otherwise, the garden will wilt and burn from the lack of hydration. It really is that simple.
I know at this point, I sound repetitive but balance is so important.
Every time I remember why I started Spoiled Soul, it’s usually in the middle of my own little meltdowns. Everyday gets better, every week, every month & every year. I get better at practicing what I preach and showing others that this is the only way to live. It doesn’t matter what you do. Work in an office, sales, HR, entertainment or self-employed of any sort, you need balance. If you’re a mom, a dad, a grandparent or sibling, you need balance. Walking lopsided is not easy and eventually, you will break. So, save yourself the hassle. Avoid the need for “physiotherapy" later on. Walk upright, sit up straight, hold your head up and walk in balance. I obviously mean this in the literal physical sense but I mean it in the metaphorical spiritual sense even more.
If finding balance in your life means you need to ask for help, do that. If it means literally telling everyone that you will no longer allow them to put the load all on you, do that. I don’t mean this just at home, I mean everywhere.
Here a perfect scenario:
I am a mother of 3 boys and live with my partner. I have a step-son who also lives with me. I am the back office of the business we own as well as the owner of 2 of my own businesses. I have to keep track of housework, bookwork, appointments for all of us, homework help, field trips, permission slips and a slew of other “mom jobs”. Luckily, I have a man who likes to cook and clean up after himself while cooking. He picks up that slack when I’m burnt out, that way.
At the end of it, I’m burnt out and have no time to care for my own well-being. But how did it get this way? Why do they do this to me? Why do I have to say, put away your things 25 times before I lose it and go apeshit on them? Because I trained them to be that way. I allowed it to get that far and now that I have learned accountability, I will “un-train” them. I will go through the physiotherapy for my soul and teach them, that I have limits. I will not allow myself to do it because it’s better than listening to complaining. I will not allow them to slack and slide under the radar because, hell right now they are quiet and there is peace. Sure, that can seem easier in the moment but in the long run, you might as well start digging your own grave as well.
This un-training applies to many different scenarios. Bitchy bosses, abusive partners, toxic friends & general soul vampires. Either, cut them out or un-train their asses.
As I get ready to pack up my things, give my super host a huge hug and head on back, I still feel a little pressure, mainly because I know this is going to be tough. Mostly, I feel like I have refilled my watering can.