Updated: Jan 19, 2020
Ok, I'm here to spill all the tea on what I think of this here topic.
Here is what I know. I know about my own experiences and the stories and experiences that clients share with me. I understand that the general trend is that people are starting to unravel in the efforts to keep it together.
In "staying strong", "keeping calm" and "carrying on", it is all starting to look a little grim. Can anyone relate?
When you think of "keeping it together", what does that look like to you?
Does it look like someone who keeps all emotions bottled up, in cute little compartments in order to maintain peace? Does it look like someone who believes, they should get over the fact that they didn't get a birthday cake? (It doesn't matter that for the rest of the year, they go out and find 8 different favourite flavours for everyone else.)
Or can it look like someone who can openly apologize for reacting out of hurt emotions because you are human and can admit that?
That really can be the hardest part, believe me. The method that takes the most courage, the most strength and at times a considerable dose of vulnerability.
This is not easy, I know that very well. It takes serious guts to put yourself in a vulnerable predicament, but there are more natural avenues. Methods that don't give you that "standing naked on a stage, in front of a huge crowd" kind of feeling.
Our nervous system works in a way that keeps us "safe". I'm sure you are familiar with the fight, flight or freeze. But let's not forget appease.
It is sometimes more comfortable just to shut up and "keep the peace".
Do it once, ok it was right for the situation and the timing or scenario that one time. Do it again, and it becomes familiar. Now there is a habit of getting ourself out of confrontation. At this point, people we are in relationship with now feel this is who you really are and behave accordingly. Do you see where I am going here?
Now we arrive at the keep it together exercises mentioned above.
Now it is going to take a whole lot of discomfort to address this with others and have your own needs met.
Who would have thought that getting back to us could be so complicated?